Amsterdam XXX
16th – 20th August
Yes, I know there’s a 3 month gap here. (Where DOES the time go!?) But I’ll come back to that at a later stage. For now I’m going to tell you all about my lil sojourn in the Netherlands, specifically Amsterdam. My first time in Europe out of 17 months!
WEDNESDAY
The general idea was to hook up with Wes at an airport in London and continue our journey to Amsters together. Naturally Wes’s flight from Glasgow was severely delayed so this looked unlikely – I was barely going to make it myself after spending 30 minutes in the security queue. But luckily for some (ie. us) the 2nd flight was delayed so it all worked out great. Barely remembered the flight it was so short (or possibly because of the 2 pints we skulled beforehand) and next thing we knew we were on a train to Amsterdam central accompanied by an incredibly friendly random stranger who’d chosen us as his ‘good deed’ for the day to give us tourist advice. He was quite strange but nice to have someone to help with the first leg of the journey. We then caught a train to the suburb of our hostel where Wes got stuck in the doors and pretended he didn’t care (he he). Problem being it wasn’t our suburb at all so we traipsed around all over the joint lookin for the place until we gave up and caught a tram, also to a location that wasn’t that near our hostel. Anyway, this is all kind of boring, so yes, we got there eventually and saw bits of Amsterdam we probably wouldn’t have seen otherwise.
Quickly dressed and had a beer and some extremely good food in the bar at the hostel before heading to Paradiso to see Beck! What a concert! Behind the band they had a puppet stage set up with puppets which were all replicas of the band, doing exactly what the band members did on stage. They had a couple of camera guys filming them so they were projected on the big screen behind everything with cool effects and stuff. Then during the encore period they played a short film of the puppets and their mischievous antics around Amsterdam which is of course the best city in the world for puppets to get up to naughty things. It was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen. Sooo cool. Beck was of course awesome too ☺
Afterwards we wandered up to this weird bar district and had a few beverages in various dodgy pubs. Somehow ended up smack bang in the midst of gay land. I found it slightly weird and creepy to see a whole district of just men but we were in the gay capital of Europe so I shouldn’t have been too surprised. Anyhow standing at the bar in random gay club some Asian dude took a fancy to me and decided to make me dance (nowhere near the dance floor) so we warmed up with the traditional ballet poses and then he starts swinging me around and bending me backwards and doing all sorts of extremely fast dance moves which were all a bit too much for this drunken uncoordinated lass. He then took us to another bar and tried to pash Wes which was weird as he had had no interest in even talking to Wes. Every time Wes tried to strike up a conversation he’d start rambling on about the weather in a patronising way. It was all quite strange. Wandered the streets trying to find home for what seemed like hours (only to discover the next day we’d only been a 2 minute walk away), popping in and out of bars and cafes (gay) along the way. Ended up going down to the horrid coliseum style club under our hostel and being the only two people dancing in this glass box in the middle of the club. It was disturbing. Things you do eh!
THURSDAY
Woke up around midday – I’m sure you can understand why. Dragged ourselves outside for breakfast of pancakes and eggs (not together although the waitress found this concept highly amusing). Wes fell for the waitress and I fell for the boy at the next table. We did this hundreds of times a day mind you as there’s a hell of a lot of good lookin people in the Amsters region. Then we just wandered and wandered and wandered. We did this a lot but it’s quite good to get lost to see a place. Spose I should fill you in on Amsterdam. Basically I had pictured a couple of streets filled with cafes for smoking pot and girls in windows trying to entice men into paying them for sex. Then the countryside would be all clogs, cows, tulips, windmills and blonde girls with plaits. No wonder people picture Australia as having kangaroos jumpin all over the shop. It is indeed partly like this but mostly not. There are a lot of canals and boating, the housing is all tall, thin and close together but looks quite cool. It is the land of bikes. Many people had told me this but you just don’t comprehend it until you actually see it. EVERYONE rides a bike - young to the extremely old. There’s bikes frickin everywhere and trying not to get run over one is a mission in itself. Bike racks overrun the city. No one wears a helmet and you often see very young children (2ish) sitting on the handlebars. People watching is the go and most bars / cafes have outdoor chairs which face the street and not the person you’re with.
Had a bloody mary for lunch in the red light district with a bit of a look at the girlies (well most were girls I THINK). Later we positioned ourselves by one of the canals along a street with a row of bars and cafes. Wesley whipped out his ipod and plugged it into his speakers for everyone’s listening pleasure. We sat there for a long while watchin boats go by and chatting to the neighbouring table of Liverpudlians. I REALLY fell in love with a Dutch boy sitting near by. But then he left and I was crushed. Went to a few more bars, fell in love with the cutest puppy in the world. But then he left and I was crushed. Had New York pizza for dinner (as you do). Popped by a “Bob Marley” café with Wes for a looksee. Should’ve caught a sex show but didn’t (a deep regret in retrospect – it’s a must for Amsters) and finally found home again (this was always a bit of a miracle until the last day when we finally figured out where it was). I couldn’t sleep cos this group of boys were particularly noisy EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. The creepy thing was one of them sounded EXACTLY like Wes, not just the sound of his voice but the words and intonations as well. I kept having to check Wes hadn’t crept out in the night. He even sang. Spooky.
FRIDAY
Felt like utter sh*te upon waking. Stopped by a sweet lil man’s small café for breakfast. He gave me a free waffle! (Wes had to pay – suck it). Then we headed for Mike’s Bikes for our….BIKING AND BOAT TOUR! I haven’t ridden a bike in at least 15 years so you can imagine how that turned out. I’m thinking about making a shirt saying ‘I am retarded’. This went on for a bout 4 hours as we rode around and through the city with lots of sightseeing and many interesting facts about Amsterdam. (Has a pretty damn interesting history – you should check it out sometime.) I miraculously managed to not kill myself or anyone else (although if you could die of shame I would have). My arm muscles are still sore from gripping the handlebars so tightly. After this we boarded our boat for an hour-long canal tour, beers and lunch. Chatted to some of our fellow bikers. Wes thought they were strange so he made us run away from them later. Our tour guide was the greatest tour guide ever so I highly recommend Mike’s Bike Tours if you’re ever in the area. Had to then ride around the botanical gardens and back home under the influence of alcohol. Weeeeeeee crash. Was good times. 
Back in the hostel we put on some tunes and stood staring out the window for an hour or so at least. Fascinating stuff watching life go by in the ‘Dam. Our window was right next door to the H on the Hostel sign and Wes pointed out there was a big black dildo on top. Apt.
Headed out a bit later on for a couple of beers and a chinese feed. Was again astounded by the variety of good lookers about. Wandered about checking out various places – was keen for a dance but everywhere was too busy. Found this really great whiskey bar right near home for a drop or two (or ten) and then on to another great bar for a game of pinball which lastest about 30 seonds. Luckily it shut not long after we got there so we decided it was bedtime once again.
SATURDAY
Our hard livin had taken it’s toll by this time. Shared a bowl of chips for breakfast after Wes finally dragged me out of bed. Went to the Reichs (Rembrandt) musuem for a bit of culture. I found it particularly unimpressive (except for the architecture of the building itself).
Stopped in a park for a bit of a lie down by a large pond and the huge ‘I Amsterdam’ sign which people sit all over.
Ate some crap icecream. Browsed in the museum shop so we didn’t have to work up the energy to do the Van Gogh museum as well (a bit of a shame but such is life.) Walked through the city looking at the shops and sampling various goods. Found this takeaway food place that sells all its food from vending machines and the thing we sampled was actually really tasty (no idea what it was though). It was quite enjoyable now I think back. Eventually walked in the possible direction of home and found the “Brunswick St” area of Amsterdam city. Was funky and cool (and mostly shut). Stopped by a bar for a vino or two.
Wes got so distracted by this hen’s party of girls that when we left he’d left his frikkin bag there and didn’t realise for about 20 mins. He was reminded by one of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen in my life. Imagine a bar which seats maybe 3 people on either side – essentially a raised table. Then imagine all these people were girls and the bar was set on wheels so they were all cycling as they were drinking cocktails – the cycles bizarrely facing inwards yet the whole bar moving in the opposite direction – just driving around the streets. If I were a mechanic this might make sense but I aint. I should have taken a photo but I was far too astounded. Anyway since Wesley is such a lucky star naturally his bag was there on our return. On our wanders we found a stage set up by one of the canals with hundreds of people (and bikes) all around. The river was absolutely chockers with boats and people who’d stopped by for a look. We never actually saw anything happen though. 
Went on a dinner mission and found a funky lil bar in the middle of nowhere where we dined on Italian and drank more vino (with a cocktail thrown in). Fancied the bar man. But Wes rightly pointed out we should go home as we had an early start to catch our planes the next morning. Wandered back home and found it easy peasy for once. I decided to buy some tacky souvenirs which cost me a bloody fortune. Went to bed and FINALLY slept properly (ear plugs are god).
SUNDAY
Not much to report except I managed to get to the airport trouble free ALL BY MYSELF. Security took 30 seconds as opposed to London. Bought some famous Amsterdam gouda cheese and couple of things duty free including this wicked Van Gogh bottle of pineapple vodka. Discovered to my horror that you can’t get duty free goods within the EU. So thinking I was paying the cheaper advertised price only to fork out the full normal amount. If anyone knows a way around this or that it’s actually not meant to happen that way let me know!!!
And that’s that my friends. Was good times and pain free (for me where something shit ALWAYS happens either right before I go away or during) Recommend ye olde Amsterdam which I didn’t think would be my scene at all, and despite it taking me 2 days or so to get into the swing of things. Hope to see the countryside next time around (positive thinking!)
posted by Starlsy at Wednesday, August 30, 2006
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